Your Best Years Yet: Yes, I'm Talking About Midlife

The title of this post may seem like a stretch to you. The prospect of putting midlife and best years together in the same sentence may appear to be an oxymoron. But hear me out.

For many women, the approach of midlife can feel like a slow descent into irrelevance. The media bombards us with images of youthful beauty and vitality, implying that our worth diminishes as we age. The mirror reflects unfamiliar lines and grey streaks, our bodies seem to betray us, and society subtly (or not so subtly) pushes us towards invisibility.

We might dread the empty nest, worry about health issues, and mourn the loss of our youthful glow. We fear becoming replaceable in our careers, lament our changing relationships, and sometimes even feel like we're losing our identity. It's easy to see why midlife can feel like a looming threat rather than a promise of good times ahead.

But what if I told you that this narrative is inaccurate, or at least incomplete? What if these years have the potential to be your best yet? And there’s no exceptions here; I’m not talking about hitting it big on the lottery.

The Midlife Mind Shift: Embracing Our Prime

A mindset shift is key to living life to the fullest in our 40s-60s. It doesn’t matter who we are or our life circumstances, we need to look up not down, to embrace rather than withdraw. How we see ourselves is often what the world reflects back to us. If we believe we are on the fast track to old age, we will behave as such, which reaffirms our mindset and determines how others see us.

How would it change things for you if you shifted your mindset from one of decline to one of growth? From fear to excitement? From loss to opportunity?

In my therapy practice I see many midlife women who have all but given up. They feel overwhelmed and under appreciated in their caregiving roles and no longer feel like what they bring to the world is of value. I rarely see the same in my midlife male clients.

Why? I have my theories, many of them rooted in patriarchy. But let’s take the topic of physical appearance as an example. For decades women have internalized the message that after 40 ish we need to focus on reducing our wrinkles, covering up grey hairs, work harder on our bodies and stay as youthful and beautiful as we possibly can. The slogan, “it’s all downhill from here” is one that can be found on many a 40th birthday card but seems to apply far less so to males. Men are seen as “distinguished” as they age, while women become…invisible.

If we take this insidious but all pervasive message and internalize it as truth, we may as well keel over now. If our value and happiness were determined by youth and beauty we would all give up. The sad thing is, many of us do.

Why Midlife is Prime

The midlife journey is not about clinging to youth but embracing the unique beauty and power that comes with age. If we spend our middle years mourning our youth, it’s not only society that makes us irrelevant, it’s also ourselves.

Here’s why the midlife years have the potential to be our best:

1. Wisdom and Experience: We've navigated life's ups and downs, learned from our mistakes, and accumulated a wealth of knowledge. This makes us better decision-makers, problem-solvers, and mentors to others. Our experiences have shaped us into the resilient, insightful women we are today.
   
2. Financial Security: For many, midlife is a time of increased financial stability. We've climbed the career ladder, paid off debts, and perhaps even started saving for retirement. This financial freedom allows us to pursue dreams we may have put on hold, invest in ourselves, and enjoy life's pleasures without the burden of financial stress.
3. Self-Discovery: With children grown and careers established, midlife offers the space and time for self-reflection and exploration. We can delve into new hobbies, travel the world, volunteer for causes we care about, or simply enjoy the freedom to be ourselves without the constraints of societal expectations.
4. Deeper Relationships: Our relationships mature and deepen in midlife. We have more time and emotional bandwidth to invest in our partners, friends, and family. We also have the wisdom to appreciate these connections more fully, forming stronger bonds and greater intimacy.
5. Confidence and Authenticity: We stop caring so much about what others think and embrace our authentic selves. We care less about pleasing others and more about living a life that is true to who we are. This newfound confidence is magnetic and empowering, attracting positive energy and opportunities into our lives.
6. Purpose and Impact: Many women find a renewed sense of purpose in midlife. We realize we have valuable skills, knowledge, and experiences to share with the world. Whether it's through a fulfilling career, volunteer work, or simply being a source of wisdom and support for our loved ones, we have the power to make a meaningful impact.

Creating Your Best Years Yet:

So how do we lean into this season of life with optimism, excitement and openness?

Challenge Negative Thinking: Fight against ageist stereotypes and limiting beliefs with a narrative that holds more truth and self-love. Remind yourself that you are beautiful, capable, and worthy of happiness at every age.

Invest in Yourself: Prioritize your health and well-being. Eat nutritious foods, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and manage stress effectively. Pursue personal growth through learning, reading, or therapy. Love yourself enough to make good choices.

Nurture Connections: Foster strong relationships with your partner, friends, and family. Connect with other women navigating midlife through support groups, online communities, or social activities.

Learn to Set Boundaries: As women in midlife we have a lot on our plates. We may still be caring for kids as well as elderly parents. We are also likely struggling with a variety of health issues due to menopause. Evaluate what you are carrying on a day to day basis that you have control over and which of these things need to go. Saying ‘no’ may be the most empowering and life changing gift you can give yourself.

Embrace New Adventures: Step outside your comfort zone and explore new possibilities. Take that dance class, start that business, travel to that dream destination. Life is too short to play it safe.

Celebrate Your Achievements: Acknowledge your accomplishments and give yourself credit for all that you've achieved. Midlife is a time to celebrate the incredible woman you've become.

If It’s Hard to Believe

Doubt my optimism? You may feel stuck and believe these opportunities are out there for other people, but not you. The weight of old patterns, self-doubt, and fear can be heavy, making it hard to envision a brighter future. You aren’t alone in this. Many women find themselves at a similar crossroads, grappling with uncertainty and feeling disconnected from their potential.

But even in the midst of doubt, there's a path forward. Take some time to really look at the different areas of your life—marriage, career, caregiving, play, finances, spiritual life—and ask yourself which one has you feeling the most stuck. Begin there.

Small shifts towards change can often have a domino effect on the other aspects of our lives.If you need support, consider therapy or ask a friend for help. Sharing your fears and anxieties can help you gain clarity and perspective.

Turn Inwards

When was the last time you looked at what’s bring you joy in your life? If you can’t think of much ask yourself why. Lack of time? Too busy thinking about everyone else? Turning inwards isn’t selfish; it’s necessary if you want to feel alive and fulfilled.

Consider reconnecting with what ignites your passion. What activities bring you joy? What sparks your curiosity? Re-engaging with these passions can help you rediscover your sense of purpose and excitement for life.

Be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. This is your time. Your journey of self-discovery and growth. By embracing the challenges and opportunities that come your way, you can create a future filled with joy, purpose, and the deep satisfaction of living a life that is truly your own.

Midlife is not an ending but a beginning – an exciting new chapter filled with possibility and potential—if we allow ourselves to see it that way.