How do We Keep (or Gain) a Positive Body Image in Midlife?

Feeling good about our bodies is something women have long struggled with. I doubt it was an issue at the beginning of the human race, but it sure as heck has been a societal issue my whole life. And my mother’s. And my grandmother’s and likely going pretty far back to ancient times.

Remember all those crazy diets back in the 80s? Rosemary Conneley’s hip and thigh diet; the liquid protein diet; the grapefruit diet. And of course Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers were on the rise back then. The big thing was that FAT was our enemy. So we ate low fat margarine, low fat yoghurt, low fat (diet) chocolate bars, low fat bread, low fat everything basically…

My mum did it all. Consequently I followed suit.

The Obsession with our Bodies

It’s sad. Because one thing I have learned in my fifty years of being on the earth is that it really doesn’t matter. We spend so much of our lives obsessing over our bodies, giving the pursuit of the ideal body immense mental and emotional attention. I remember when stepping on the scale first thing in the morning would dictate my mood for the rest of the day. To some extent, it still does.

I don’t know about you, but If I was diagnosed with a terminal illness tomorrow, I wouldn’t spend the last few months of my life worrying about my weight, or the lines on my face. Instead, I would want to spend as much time as possible with the people I love and see as much of the world as possible.

Look, I’m not saying our bodies don’t matter. We all want to look and feel good; to wear nice clothes and take flattering pictures. It’s the obsession that’s a problem, as well as the fat phobia that prevails in modern day society. Maybe we would love to be able to let go, just a little, but society just doesn’t seem to want to let us.

How our Body Image Shifts in Midlife

For those of us who have never had a great relationship with our bodies, it isn’t about maintaining a good body image, it’s about acquiring one. So how do we do that? You may ask.

Great question.

For someone (like me) who spent her youth and early adulthood yo-yo dieting and worrying about her weight, it seems virtually impossible to stop now when menopause and aging have slithered into the mix.

Likely, you are in a similar situation.

Last week I wrote about the Invisible Woman Syndrome (yes, it’s a real thing), which, if we’re not attentive to, has the potential to make us feel even less seen and worthy. It may seem then that poor body image intensifies in midlife rather than subsides. Possibly.

The Message We Run With

I was intrigued by this image of Sofia Vergara on the front of People as I stood in the checkout line at the grocery store today. Nergara is 51 and she looks awesome. Clearly this image is retouched, sending the clear message that 50+ women can and should still look 35. if we don’t, we’re canceled. What intrigued me more was Vergara’s quote:

“I’m going to fight [aging] every step of the way”’

It’s words like these from people in the public eye that reinforce the message “old is bad.”

If we don’t push back against this message, not only will it impact our sense of self worth, it will send a message to our daughters and granddaughters that they need to do everything in their power to stay youthful. Oh, and skinny.

There are girls in their twenties getting facial work done nowadays. Yup. Botox is now a run of the mill procedure. These stats from SpaMedica show that women in 18-34 age range accounted for 2.213 million Botox treatments in 2022. Yikes.

Is there Any Good News?

My goal is to empower women in midlife, not bring them down. And I honestly do think there’s a lot of great news about this season in life when it comes to our bodies and how we view them. They key is in whether we choose to absorb the toxic messaging that being 45+ (give or take) means we may as well keel over.

I believe we can look great at any age. And ‘great’ is totally subjective. If we believe that in midlife we lose our beauty, body and sexuality, then we will live our lives accordingly. But what if we choose to believe that this season of life is our prime? Instead of withering away and saying ‘menopause took my body’ (I know, I know…the belly fat) we choose instead to believe the following:

• I embrace the body I have. It houses my beautiful heart, mind, and soul.
• I can look my best in midlife. My best is not necessarily the same as society’s best.
• I can have a strong body at any age.
• My wrinkles reflect every twist and turn I have taken in this life. They are the markings of experience and wisdom.
• Society and culture do not get to dictate my worth and value as a woman.
• People will remember me for how I made them feel, not the way I looked.

Is It Wrong to Care?

It isn’t wrong to care about the way we look. But if we obsess over it, buying every anti-aging cream we can get our hands on and spending copious amounts on cosmetic enhancements, we may need to ask, to what end? Why do I need this so much? Where is my value?

Our bodies are aging, no matter what we do. The more we fight against it, the more we erode our self-esteem. Until we can place higher value on who we are than how we look, we will always be slave to the mirror, the scale, and societal bullshit.

So how about we do our best. We create strong bodies by moving them, lifting weights (pretty important in menopause), eating well, and taking the supplements we need. We wear clothes we love and style our hair. We accept that we aren’t going to weigh what we did at 30. And if we want to lose a few pounds, that’s okay too! But don’t obsess. It’s the obsessing that’s problematic. Not to mention exhausting.

Final Thoughts

So to answer the question posed at the beginning of this post: how do we keep (or acquire) a positive body image? I think we push back against the cultural messages we’re given and we decide what message is important to us. We also do our best to be healthy. We stop obsessing.

And we remember this: no one is going to note our weight on our epitaph.