Invisible Woman Syndrome: Why Society Overlooks Women in Midlife and How we Push Back

Midlife, for many women, has the potential to be a vibrant and exciting chapter filled with personal growth and new possibilities.

It appears, however, that society is not in agreement.

Lurking insidiously in the background of our lives, and sometimes in plain sight, is a phenomenen that many experience but few openly refer to as "Invisible Woman Syndrome."

What Is the Invisible Woman Syndrome?

If you are below 40 you likely haven’t experienced the Invisible Woman Syndrome yet.

This is a social term that captures a common sentiment among women 40 plus and is a feeling of fading from view. This isn't about physical invisibility, but a sense of being overlooked, unheard, and undervalued in various aspects of life.

In social settings, you might find yourself interrupted or talked over, your opinions dismissed, or your presence simply unnoticed. In the workplace, your contributions might be undervalued, your ideas ignored, or your experience taken for granted. Even in personal relationships, you might feel unseen or unheard by your partner, family, or friends.

My Personal Experience

I had a personal experience of this just a couple of days ago on Mother’s Day. My teenage son and I wanted to sit down for a drink at a local bistro following a sunny stroll with our puppy. We waited several minutes next to an outdoor ‘please wait to be seated’ sign before finally a young man approached the greeting area. Poised to request a patio seat, I waited to be helped. But rather than checking in with me, the host instead looked straight over my shoulder and proceeded to check in the people behind me.

In the moment I was shocked. I had a visceral experience of actually feeling invisible. It felt demeaning and rude. There was no question I had been first in line. In the moment I felt too shocked to say anything, however, when finally seated I questioned, did I just experience “Invisible Woman Syndrome?”

The Media's Role in Perpetuating Invisibility

The media plays a significant role in reinforcing this invisibility. Women over 40 are often underrepresented or portrayed in stereotypical roles that diminish their complexity and vitality. These portrayals can subtly (or not so subtly) communicate that a woman's value is tied to her youth and physical appearance, leading many to internalize these harmful messages.

Why Does This Happen?

Several factors contribute to this feeling of invisibility:

• Ageism: Our society places a disproportionate emphasis on youth and beauty, often overlooking the wisdom, experience, and contributions of older women.
• Sexism: Women are often judged more harshly on their appearance and behavior than men, and this scrutiny can intensify with age.
• Internalized Societal Messages: Many women unwittingly absorb societal messages about aging and beauty, leading to self-doubt and a diminished sense of self-worth.
• Hormonal Changes: The hormonal fluctuations of menopause can also impact mood, energy levels, and self-confidence, contributing to feelings of invisibility.

Stereotyping Midlife Women

Here is a brief example of how the media misrepresents and stereotypes women in midlife. Since embarking on this journey of working with this niche population in a counsellor/ coach role, I have needed to buy online stock images for my content. If in the search terms I use the words “midlife” or “40+” the (very few) images I am given to select from depict women who are miserable, overweight and no longer seem to care about their appearance. If I remove the midlife and 40+ term, I am flooded with thousands of images of twenty something women who are happy, glamorous and thin.

The Erosion of Self-Worth

The Invisible Woman Syndrome is not merely a fleeting feeling; it can have a profound and lasting impact on a woman's sense of self and overall well-being.

Most of us have so many things we are dealing with in midlife—from the huge effects of menopause, to issues sych as empty nesting, career changes, relationship malaise, and caring for elderly parents—we really don’t need to add ‘ejection from society’ to the list.

When you feel unseen and unheard, it's easy to start questioning your own value. You might begin to doubt your abilities, second-guess your decisions, and minimize your accomplishments. This internal dialogue can create a downward spiral, eroding your self-esteem and confidence.

The resulting insecurity can manifest in various ways:

• Social Anxiety: You might avoid social situations, fearing you won't be noticed or valued.
• Making Ourselves Small: If Society insists we are past our best and can be overlooked it can be easy to internalize that same belief and make ourselves small.
• Decreased Motivation: The lack of recognition can dampen your enthusiasm for pursuing goals and passions.
• Negative Self-Talk: You might internalize negative messages about your age or appearance, leading to self-criticism and a diminished sense of self-worth.
• Increased Vulnerability to Depression and Anxiety: Feeling invisible can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and despair, which can increase the risk of developing mental health conditions.

Reclaiming Our Visibility and Self-Worth

It's important to remember that this feeling of invisibility is not a reflection of reality. It's a mirage created by societal biases and internalized messages. You are not invisible. You are a vibrant, valuable woman with a unique perspective and a wealth of experience to offer the world.

Reclaiming your visibility begins with recognizing your inherent worth and challenging the narratives that tell you otherwise. It involves cultivating self-compassion, surrounding yourself with supportive people, and finding ways to express your voice and share your gifts with the world.

Remember, your value extends far beyond your age or appearance. You are a complex, multi-faceted individual with a rich history and a bright future. By celebrating your strengths, embracing your experiences, and refusing to be defined by societal expectations, you can step into the fullness of your midlife journey with confidence, authenticity, and radiant visibility.